a state of grace: may it find you

All I wanted was a break, a state of grace to slip into where I could catch my breath; feel a little more human, a little less numb and show myself a smidge of kindness.

My inner reserves and goodwill gone, I felt myself grinding into misery AND I did NOT like it.

I should be able to rise above this, to ride it out.

Ever the perfectionist I’d developed a bad habit through the years-

When times got tough, my inner bully got mean and I beat myself up.
It was more exhausting than the real life issues I was trying to navigate .

Around this time, I belonged to a small online writing group. Weekly, prompts arrived and we’d submit a bit of prose or poetry before the deadline. It had been a long time since I’d been able to write anything at all.

Too busy trash-talking myself I didn’t have the energy, head space or self kindness to hear my muse.

Funny how that works.

We desperately seek guidance or a state of grace but fail to notice how the inner critic’s shitty should choir is overtaking our inner wisdom voice.

 

 

In the past, my process was to read the prompt then go about my day, making room for a bit of prose or poetry to bubble up. Like I said, nothing had bubbled up for weeks.

Until…
walking along a frozen winter beach, a bright shaft of light landing on gracing a nearby pond startled my inner nasty, stopping unkind self talk in its tracks.

For a long time, I stood there in silence. Then I started snapping photos.
Taking photos is a sure sign that I’ve exchanged my inner bully pulpit for a landscape of awareness.
Photography takes me both deeper in to and outside myself at the same time.

Yeah, funny how that works, too.

Walking back to the house, I remembered the past week’s writing prompt.
‘What would Grace whisper in your ear?’

Heading straight to my desk, inner shitty should choir still silenced by the sunbeam, I heard Grace whisper:

 

GRACE
I am the space you dip into.

When all roads lead you to an unending
when the compass face disappears
and you feel sucked into the void
where there are no good options~
I will whisper your name
and you will remember
the time outside of time
where fear loses all traction.

Grace
I am the space you can dip into.

Dawn Kotzer ©2015

Grace has carried me through a lot of dips since it whispered in my ear that day.

Elevating both the highs and lows of life, a state of grace feels like a blessing of kindness that ripples through me and out into the world.

These days are tough times for so many. The world of uncertainty is at play. We can easily forget to make room for grace. We can so easily forget to show ourselves even a smidge of kindness.

 

May a beam of light find you.
May grace whisper in your ear.
May you be kind to yourself.
Hush your inner critic’s shitty-should choir and
Make space for the whispers of your inner wisdom to be heard.
May you remember your SHiNE.

From my home below a hill, below a hill in the almost wilderness
Sending Boreal Forest vibes and good will
dawn kotzer